Changing the Way I Blog

I am changing the way I blog. Up until now, I’ve worked and worked on posts and, never finished them. They would get longer and longer (too long) and most importantly, never get finished. Then there are those frequent times when I would change my mind and have to scratch the whole thing and start over. My previous post was almost two years ago.

Now I will publish in pieces. Instead of waiting to publish a finished product, I’m going to let you in on my thought processes. I’ll first post an outline and summary. Then I’ll post a separate entry for each thought. If I change my mind about something, I’ll just rewrite and repost. Incidentally, I’ll also draw attention to the fact that I changed my mind. It is possible, even for someone as highly-evolved and refined as me, to learn something new or consider a different or new perspective, and allow your mind to change.

Keep in mind that such madness does require and open mind as well as the willingness to listen to and research other perspectives. I realize that’s not for everyone, but it has resulted in drastic improvements in my own well-being. I recommend that everyone at least give it a shot.

But I digress. Something I do not intend to change about the way I blog.

This is based on advice from Steve Jobs, Seth Godin and Jon Acuff.

Jon Acuff said, “80% perfect and published will always change more hearts than 100% perfect and stuck in your head.” This is especially true, since most of my ideas are closer to 70% perfect in my head.

Seth Godin says in his book Linchpin, “Not shipping on behalf of your goal of changing the world is often a symptom of the resistance. Call its bluff, ship always, and then change the world.”

Steve Jobs said, “Real artists ship.”

That’s deep.

I will no longer let those ideas rot inside my head. I’ll let them out into the sun, give them some water and see if they grow.

[I am publishing this one now, then coming back to add hyperlinks. Not a bad start.]

New Year's Revolution Review

Well, it's that time again. 10:39am. December. [I finished this on January 18, still without 2010 Revolutions.] Time to start thinking about New Year's Resolutions. New Year's Resolutions used to be easy for me. They were like a Self-Improvement Ronco Rotisserie. Make 'em and forsake 'em.

2009 ruined everything. I made a horrible mistake. I published my New Year's Resolutions, which were more goals than resolutions, and asked my friends to hold me accountable for them. I am happy to say that my friends didn't help me at all. I'll take that back later. The down side was that my resolutions were out there on the Internet for everyone to see. I tried to forget them, but they haunted me like a garlic-stuffed green olive that you have at lunch and enjoy the rest of the day. They wouldn't go away. They compelled me to keep them. They compelled like a super-massive compelly thing.

Counting my Fifth Resolution, there were five in all. Let's run up the list from bottom to top and see how I did.

5. Determine a 5th Resolution - I immediately jumped right on that one after a few months of forgetting about it. I figured out that before I could ever fully fulfill Resolutions 2, 3 and 4, I would have to do something about my financial situation. So my wife and I decided to get out of debt. We are well on our way. We started in May. We haven't used a credit card since. We payed off about $15,000 of debt along with hail storm repair (both cars and a new roof), three surgeries, heater repairs, refrigerator repairs, new tires, car repairs, birthday parties and Resolution number 4. In March, we barely had enough room on AMEX to charge two nights in San Antonio. Now were getting ready to lay down sweet, clean, cold, hard cashola for air fare to SPAIN, where we will spend a month this summer. How good are we? Very.

Unrelated, but here is a word of warning from our experience. If you want to remain comfortably broke and maintain simple problems like food and rent, then please avoid budgeting like the plague. And don't even think about working any over time. I think this may have been a horrible mistake. Seriously, life was so much more simple then. Three days in San Antonio was easy to fill. Dine in a couple nice restaurants, rush through the zoo and run up and down the river walk a couple times. Then come home and anxiously await the credit card bill. Now how the hell am I supposed fill an entire month in Spain? Really. What am I supposed to do? Hang out in a pub all night and lay on a Valencian beach all day, day after day with no computer beeping or iPhone ringing? And what purpose will my life have when I return home and don't have a mountain of debt to pay off?

Whatever will I do.

4. Give More - We just thought we had given well in 2008. We increased our giving 5 fold. It feels wonderful. Nothing is more fulfilling than Giving. I recommend it. When we Gave in previous years, we usually charged it. We increased our Giving by 500% while working on Resolution number 5. It's a start, but nowhere near what I'm after. Gotta boost the income some more. Gotta get more free time. Got some ideas, just need to breath some life into those ideas. Who is with me ?

3. Music - I must admit I barely squeaked by on this one. I started late, since Resolutions number 5 and 1 were getting all my attention. I did write a few new songs, recorded several old and new songs and jammed a few times. Didn't perform any or Deejay any, but the writing part was my biggest concern. And check this out. I'm writing right now, even as I type!

2. Fresh Air - I don't know if I can rightfully say I fulfilled this one, but I am. I took the family camping twice and camped with the guys once. Went fishing with my Dad and Step-brother once. I put in just over 1,000 miles on my bike. Even though working so hard on Resolution number 5 made this one pretty difficult, we got out a few times.

1. Outlaw Rest Stop - Ok, I take back what I said about my friends not helping me at all. I really appreciate the encouragement from Blanca, Ken and Barbarosa, and I appreciate Ken for sticking with my during all those miles of training. I really only almost killed him only once. Low and behold, Goal number one was accomplished on Saturday, August 29th when I came coasting into the Outlaw beer stop of the Hotter'N Hell 100. Even rode a few more miles after the stop to complete about 106 miles for the day.

I consider this year a huge success. All the "surprises" presented to my family should have made this year the worst year ever, but we turned it into our best. We didn't sit in front of the TV sucking our thumbs while a bad year happened to us. Life dealt us a weak hand this year, but we played some hard cards. Life thought we were bluffing and rode a weak straight. We just kept smiling our silly smiles and kept throwing in chips when Life Raised the stakes.

Coming up next: New Year's Revolution v 10.0

Maybe.

Sans Sugar: Day 4

Finally, I started writing about a day on the day that day is happening. Today. Of course, by the time you read this, today will probably be yesterday or last week. Maybe even earlier today. Get back with me when you think you know.

I've had moments of strong cravings today. Really wanted some tator tots. I can get a huge basket of tots, enough to live on through dinner, for a buck! There is a Reese's Peanut Butter bell on my desk. It has been there since Christmas. I'm showing that Reese's Peanut Butter bell just how much I can resist it. I've wondering if some DDP would make it easier.

Around 2:30, I started feeling hungry. Very hungry. I had a big salad and chicken schnitzel about noon, so I couldn't be THAT hungry. Visions of Snickers began dancing in my head. I could here them calling me from the vending machine. Around 3:00, I started feeling really tired. With only an hour left in my work day, I was really hoping some fresh air would do the trick. I knew a chocolate milk shake would. Besides, I knew I would cheat by having Sliders and fries at Beer Thursday.

At 3:10, which seemed like several hours since 3:00, I began thinking maybe just a sip of DDP would get me to 4:00.

Here is another question that occurred to me today: What about the cheat day?

Sugar Busters allows one cheat day each week. I usually had cheat days on Saturdays. I'm thinking I shouldn't have a cheat day this week, since I will not have gone a full week without. Will it start the cravings all over again? Get back with me when you find out. I mean, I'll get back with you when you find out.

You know what I mean?

Sans Sugar: Day 3

Back at work for Day 3 of no sugar. I stopped at Starbucks on the way to work. I ordered a tall decaf drip and gave them my mug to put it in. It ain't easy being green. I did add half a pack of raw sugar to my coffee.

I'm going to allow myself a little raw sugar in a little coffee a few days a week. As long as I cut way back, and as long as I cut out the processed stuff, I will be good.

After I left Starbucks, I got an idea for a book. I emailed some friends to see what they thought about a collaborative effort and they jumped on idea like Fried on Rice.

Writing is a sort of dream of mine. So is dreaming. I dream of writing. I should try to write of dreaming. I often dream of having more dreams. I'll get right to work on that tonight after I go to bed.

Please tell me what I'm talking about.

Are dreams like goals? If you write them down, are they ten times more likely to come true? I had this one with Scarlett Johansson. Isn't she, as a member of our great and human humanity, worth writing down? I think so.

I finished off the last empanada. The carbs are about to seriously be reduced now. I thought about getting a DDP, since it is sugar free. I'm pretty sure that nothing in it is natural, but I could use a little help. I'll have to take it before the beerd.

That's right. I said, "beerd."

I'm writing about Day 3 on Day 4. So far, nothing funny has happened yesterday, unless you think making blueberry and jellybean soft taco is funny. I'm still waiting.

Sans Sugar: Day 2

Day two was surprisingly easy. I worked from home. Everything is easier working at home, especially working. It is just crazy how difficult it is working at work, but I guess that's why they call them cubes.

I did have a small square of 70% dark with a dab of Sprouts peanut butter.

I'm writing this on Day 4. Check back later to see how Day 3 went. I know I can't wait to find out.

By the way, nothing funny happened on this day, which is kinda funny in a way. If Day 3 were not already passed, I would commit myself to doing something worth writing about on Day 3. Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't.

I do know this though. Maybe I do.

Sans Sugar: Day 1

I had my yearly physical yesterday. My first in four years. A few minutes before I fainted, my doctor and I talked about my weight. She told me I needed to work exercise into my schedule no matter how busy I think I am. For those of you keeping score, she is right.

"Well, you're definitely not over weight," she said. "You are in good shape. Just for your record though, you are five pounds heavier than you were in March."

Did she just compliment me, then take it back?

Then she asked me about salt. Do I use much? Do I add extra to my food.

"No. No salt."

"What is your weakness?"

Damn it. She can see right through me. "Sweets. Chocolate," I replied.

"So how much to you have? Maybe something every day or so?"

Great. She's disgusted with me AND I'm probably diabetic. "Lots. Like a few times every day. I just need chocolate."

Busted.

Finally.

She doen't understand though. Her job is easy. If she had my job, she'd understand. We can't drink at work. She won't prescribe me any more Ultracet. The only other thing I have is Chocolate and Dr. Pepper.
Surely I jest. Shirley?

So I decided yesterday morning, a few minutes after I fainted, that I am going to cut down on my sweets. No more of my sweet, intoxicating, energy-boosting, mood-saving life-giving chocolate. I also decided that I will start exercising. New Year's Resolution? Maybe. I haven't really made any for this year. Which reminds me, I need to make my New Year's Resolutions for this year.

Yesterday wan't too bad. The cravings weren't bad. They weren't really even cravings, but I had some carbs from the weekends leftovers. When the leftovers are gone, the carbs are gone. Well, except for the 20 boxes of Turrón my mother-in-law sent us for Christmas.

In addition, I've stopped eating by 7:00pm every night but one since January 1. I'm doing well there.

Wish me luck!

Sans DDP - Day 2 Part II

It did not occur to my while writing yesterday's post that the headache I was fighting was caused by my body craving caffeine. That realization did not occur until my drive home, so I finished the day sans DDP. If you've never had a caffeine headache, it is something like a mini-migraine or mini-hangover. The pain isn't intense, but it is sharp. My eyes are usually sensitive to bright light, but the caffeine headache makes it worse, especially with the 105 degree sunlight reflecting from every shiny surface. I just wanted darkness and the removal of the need to concentrate on anything.

I stopped at my favorite trendy grocery store in my 4th or 5th favorite affluent neighborhood. I dashed through grabbing coffee (chocolate and almond-flavored caffeine for the weekend, sir), milk (Moo Monday), bread and tortillas. Standing in the express line, I noticed a very sharply dressed man sporting a meticulously manicured hair of gel-darkened hair and a very bitter scowl. He skillfully managed to complete his transaction without lowering himself to speak to the checker.

Through the purple tint of my extremely cool sunglasses, my line attention darted back and forth between the two open check-out stands. They were both paying and bagging. Who would rise as the victorious winner of this race? The checkout stands had cards displayed which allowed shoppers to pick between donating $1, $3 or $5 to the local food bank. There is, of course, also the option of pretending to not notice the cards.

When my chance finally came, I pushed my groceries onto the counter and very loudly and cheerfully greeted the checker. In my usual style, I positioned myself in the most inconvenient position for handing the cashier the donation card I picked. Because of my position, I had reach way over the register and announce just as loudly and cheerfully, "Please add one of these!" I looked back at the line of customers to make sure my little drama had not gone unnoticed.

Yes, I did it so that the other customers could not pretend to not notice the card. I won't lie and say that is how I am. That is how I'm trying to be. Two very interesting things happened. First, the checker's mood seemed to perk up. He smiled and wished me a good day with what seemed to me genuine sincerity. Thinking my mission was accomplished, I loudly and cheerfully, although in retrospect, perhaps not as sincerely, wished him a good day and headed for a quick exit.

When I got into my car and began to back out of my parking space, I noticed my headache was gone. Addition by subtraction: There was one less grumpy checker and one less headache in the world. I am continuously amazed at the unexpected extra benefits and byproducts of Giving, even just five dollars and a friendly "Hello." I encourage you to experiment with spreading a little smiles, jokes and gifts. Go try to make someone laugh and get rid of some headaches.

Sans DDP - Day 2

It's almost 3:00. If I can make it through 3:00 on a work day with no Diet Dr. Pepper, I can make the it the rest of the day. This is good.
I was kinda forced Saturday. The water at the restaurant we tried didn't really taste like dirt. Had it tasted like dirt, I could have forced it down. I assumed they used the same water to make their tea. I reluctantly turned to DDP, which welcomed me with open arms. Delicious, cold, fizzy arms.
Lunch is the most difficult time. I need the caffiene by then. My Sheppard's Pie cries for carbonation. The dark chocolate misses her old mate. One can't enjoy cookies without milk, nor dark chocolate without DDP. We three suffered together and will clock out with a victory.

Sometime Between Noon and the End of the World

So who hasn't been through this?

Our A/C starts sounding like it has a train in it. A train that is about to explode. We couldn't hear Hell's Kitchen over roar and clamor, so we had to turn off the unit. Not even Gordon Ramsay could out-din it.

So we call on Friday and get an appointment for Monday. You know how it works. They said they'll be out Monday between Noon and 4 pm. I worked from home that day, so it didn't really matter when they came out. However, just for fun, the service technician arrived around 4:45. We knew what to expect. We were prepared, so it was no big deal.

Day 1: Forty-five minutes late.

The tech says our blower wheel coming apart. He doesn't have a part. He'll have to order a part. It should arrive Wednesday or Thursday, and we should try not to run the unit until he repairs it.

The A/C company called Wednesday, said the part had arrived, and we scheduled an appointment for Thursday after 4 pm. So I wait. I stayed in and watched movies to make sure I'd be home. The service tech finally calls at 7:50 pm and says he is on the way. Granted, he did replace the blower wheel pretty quickly after arriving around 8:30. I've done this a few times now, so I knew what to expect.

Day 1: Forty-five minutes late.

Day 2: Just late.

I think I see a pattern forming here.

Our A/C still didn't seem to be running correctly. Now it sounded like the train wasn't about to explode. It was just running full speed. We call them again Friday, saying that it is very loud and asked them to come check it again. They tell us the tech will come out Monday between noon and 4 pm. We were all off for Memorial Day, so we decided to do some shopping. You can't not barbecue on Memorial Day! We head out about 11:30am with three stores on our list. Keeping in mind the current pattern of the service technician's late arrivals, we assume we're safe to shop. His pattern would have him arriving half-way through burgers cooking and my second beer.

Day 1: Forty-five minutes late.

Day 2: Just late.

Day 3: 30 minutes early.

He calls at 11:30 am to tell us he is on the way. But aren't you usually really late? We're shopping. The first call was easy and didn't require much labor, so he's on the way. I drop my wife off and run to the grocery store, hoping to make it there and back by the time the technician arrives. I get home, and he had already been there and gone. The A/C was fine, and there was nothing he could do to make it run quieter.

I think I see another pattern forming.

Princess 1: My Dog Princess

(I’m going to make up a story about my dog Princess that I don’t really have. This will serve as proof I have reached the deepest, darkest bowels of Nothing.

Hmmmm..it doesn’t sound so bad when I phrase it like that..)

My dog Princess is a giant poodle that I named Princess. I named him Princess, because I think every poodle should be named Princess, even if the poodle is a giant. If you make fun of Princess, he will eat you. One leg at a time. Starting with yours.

Princess has short, curly white hair and steel teeth. I think he likes sardines, because he always has one in his mouth. I don’t know where he finds the sardines, and I don’t ask. He wouldn’t answer. He would just eat me.

Princess is not known for his patience with small talk.

(Author’s note: In the interest of not having much, this will conclude today’s post. I’ve got to save something for later. Love me!)

See Princess 2!

Arguments and Omelets

Arguing makes me tense. I don't do it. I don't want my parents to argue. I don't want the neighbors to argue. I don't want the people in other cubes to argue. I don't want my wife and kids to argue. I hate it. It makes me want to hide somewhere, but every time I hide it causes a big argument, which makes me even more tense.

And I hate tension. It makes me argumentative.

So I run into Costco to pick up pizza and potatoes. Don't ask. Walking in to Costco is also bad for me. Our best television is like 10 years old and I think it's only about a 20" screen. Costco has cell phones with bigger screens. To get to the potatoes, I have to pass through massive walls of big-screen, High-Definition digital magnificence....at really good prices, temptation for which I must resist. I have talk walk directly to the potatoes.

Tonight as I was just nearing the darkness at the end of Great Wall of LCD, I was greeted by the cold embrace of tension. It is strange, but I felt the tension before I actually heard the voices. There they were by a stack of computer boxes, a lovely couple in an obvious argument over whether or not to buy the computer.

I hate yelling. It makes me tense. I guess it reminds me of arguing. I have demanded few rules in my house. My number one rule is No Yelling. No Shouting for ANY reason. If you need to talk to someone upstairs, don't yell up the stairs. No yelling down the stairs. Walk up the stairs, find me, and speak in a soft, slow, but pleasant voice. If you are upstairs and you are thirsty. Come down and get your own water. Or call me. We've got 7 phones. Call, IM, fax, fly down a paper airplane. Just please don't yell. Why do I feel like I sound a little too much like David Sedaris?

The seven-or-so-year-old little boy, who was apparently their son, kinda meandered around unaffected. I hate it when the little snots are tougher than me. Here I am, the thirty-years-old, just passing by, and I'm worried about their loud, angry voices. We're in a Costco, for Pete's sake. What must everyone in the store think about their yelling? Embarrassment and shame gnawed away at what was left of the wonder created by the televisions. I wonder what wonder tastes like.

I rushed right past the replica Texas Ranger jerseys without even the slightest brush to see if the cotton was nice. My glance didn't stray to either side through the DVD isles. I did have to call my wife to ask if she wanted 20 pounds of russet or 15 pounds of golden. That might mean Tortilla de Patatas this weekend! And I know she and I would agree on the computer, the television, the Texas Ranger jerseys and the DVDs.

No.

It's a new word we learned a couple months ago. I'll tell you about that later.

Everybody's got somthing to hide...

If you love monkeys as much as I do, then click the Ad to the right that says Monkeys ClipArt -Pictures Monkeys Bing.com.

If it isn't there, refresh the screen until it comes up.

Now don't say I never gave you or you monkey anything.

Out of Nowhere

I totally have no idea what to write about today, but I can't not write anything. None of my old tricks for ideas worked. Actually any one of them might work, but I feel too pressured to try any of them. I've got to write something now.

So I'm trying a new trick. I just asked my little girl what I should write about. She said, "bad guys." She's been watching a Disney movie in which the bad guys have a "Bad Guys" song.

Right after she said, "bad guys," she said, "I'm done." That means she finished eating dinner. Weetabix. So now I am done.

Now go in Peace.

What to Write About When You Don't Know What to Write About

I've covered this topic several times now. It seems like every time I write about it, I write about something else. Nothing is a terrible topic for Adsense. Nothing is a great topic for writer's block. Now if I can just combine the two into some sort of vehicle that generates cash by my just being great, then I'll get somewhere. Something.

So if you search "Nothing" in the cool Google search box I added to this site just below the AdSense adds, Blog Archive and my incomplete profile, you'll get a list of all my posts on Nothing. You'll notice I commit a significant amount of time and resources to Nothing. 

So far, Nothing has got me nowhere. Click on the links to my posts regarding Nothing and check out my AdSense ads.

[Blogger's Note 1: I no longer have ads on this blog.]

[Blogger's Note 2: If you have ads on your blog, you're not supposed to draw attention to them. That's probably why they took the ads off my blog.]

They are pretty much links to nothing unless you need to pimp your blog. 

[Blogger's Note 3: Many years ago, I had a link to something about pimping your blog. I don't remember what that was. I also think it contained viruses.  This post was removed for viruses. I thought it just had words.  Then I noticed that link.  Careful where you link!]

Do blogs really need more pimping? Pimping is for blogs that don't have Nothing. This blog has Nothing to spare! And if you only have links to nothing, then when you click those links you buy nothing. That doesn't do you much good. We need to stimulate the economy for America. Do it for the children.

Writer's Block is often caused by not knowing what to write about. If the author can just come up with a topic, he or she (or in this case, I) can usually force the initial words. That almost always opens the floodgates. Unfortunately, it is not working yet today. For me, having nothing to write about is great because my favorite thing to write about is Nothing! I just start writing about having nothing to write about, and the floodgates open! I tried it again. Still not working.

What I need to do is write about Nothing in such a way that AdSense generates some useful Ads for you to click on and buy something. That will create a Win-Win situation. You win by having cool things to buy. The seller wins by having nice people to sell cool things to.

I ask for Nothing in return but the honor of entertaining you with my blog. If writing is its own reward, then I'm getting rewarded with one of my favorite things!

Nothing.

Low Rise. Take It Easy.

Riding around The Trails Sunday, I noticed something. I saw several girls walking The Trails who had folded down the waistline of their shorts. I didn't think much about the first two, but after seeing a few more I became suspicious. Very suspicious.

You can't be too careful these days.

I knew that they probably were not revealing an extra inch or so of midriff solely for my benefit. Or were they? One can't be too cautious, you know. I thought maybe they were trying to get a little more tan or a little less tan line. It was a spectacularly sunny day. Maybe they were just being coquettish. You know? Flirty. Who am I to judge?

I was almost killed by a squirrel. Forgetting about the waistlines, I go home, mow the lawn, whipper-snip the edges, and battle the hornets. A typical Sunday afternoon. BTW, Man vs. Hornet (bee, yellow jacket, etc.) may be one of the funnier battles in the animal kingdom. That sounds like a post for another day. How about Wednesday? Write that down, so I don't forget.

So I finish all my yard work and take a shower. BTW, it may have been a little too warm and humid for cycling and yard work on the same day. I finished my shower and dressed. I picked a pair of shorts I had not worn since last summer and a t-shirt I've worn three times since acquiring it a few weeks earlier.

Something was not right.

Something wasn't just not right, something was terribly wrong. Something was so terribly wrong in fact, that I could not seem to move. My shorts were extremely uncomfortable. Unbearable.

Unwearable.

I adjusted them to where they looked right, but they were too low. I pulled them up to where the fit correctly, but they were too high. I called to my wife for help. No answer. I called again, louder. No response. Louder. No help.

I was alone. Panic began to squeeze at my throat like a box of anthrax, whatever that means. My life flashed before my eyes. It was just about to conclude with the day's lovely ride when one of the girls from The Trails passed through the frame of my final movie. The extra bit of midriff. The little puppy trying to chase my wheels. Another extra midriff with olive shorts. The row of kayaks being pulled out of the back of an RV by the river. Another extra midriff with the blue shorts and white tank top. Note to self: take camera to The Trails..

That's it. I folded down the waistline of my shorts and Presto! They fit perfectly. That is what all those girls at the trail were up to. They were adjusting their shorts, because they were uncomfortable. Or uncoquettish. You know? Unflirty. Who am I to judge? We are being robbed of comfort by fashion. Low rise jeans and shorts are last year's fashion. Or is it year before last? either way, we need our low rise pants back.

Throw fashion to the wind, my pets! Fashion will conform to us this time.

Sexy Monkeys

Sexy Monkeys

I'm not sure who came up with the concept of Sexy Monkeys. I am sure that the person--or monkey-- who did is a genIus!

With a capital I!

(Am I back?)

Maybe it was Laurie Hogin.

(Who would have thought someone would beat me to Sexy Monkeys?)

Back to the monkeys. I really thought this Sexy Monkeys thing would be a blogging fertile crescent. Once again, Nothing is better than monkeys. Nothing is better than anything. Nothing must be magic!

New Year's Revolution

I read that you should write down your New Year's Resolutions. Writing down your goals seems to solidify the intent, and since resolutions are goals... Paul Harvey? Rest of story please!

I wonder if typing them counts.

I read that your resolutions should be specific. I have many character weaknesses. Specifically, specificity is one of them. In general, vagueness might be considered a trait. Ambiguity is one thing humans can do! I would work more on my ambivalence if I weren't so apathetic.

I read that you should share your resolutions. If others know your resolutions, then you're more likely to be held accountable. Thus, you are more encouraged to work on your resolutions. I wonder if you let your loved ones in on your resolutions, if you might get help with accomplishing your goals.

My guess is Yes! Is my Yes Guess correct? If you guessed Yes, that my Yes Guess is a correct guess, then I guess your Yes Guess proves my Yes Guess correct, I guess. Yes?

I followed none of those suggestions for 2008. My Resolution, about which I told no one, was basically just hoping 2008 would be better than 2007. 2007 was rough. I told no one. I didn't write it down, and it was not exactly specific.

I figured out that for 2008 to be better, I was going to have to start with myself. I was going to have to be more positive. With my family's help, I think I did that. I significantly decreased my gloomy economic news. The media has taken those reigns from me. Sorry about that. The four of us are much more positive now. Even though we are worse off financially, we are much happier. [Please send cash.]

But we're not talking about 2008, are we. We're talking about 2009. Here are my 2009 Resolutions, to which I hope you hold me accountable, and with which I hope you help. Maybe I can help you with yours.

1. Outlaw Rest Stop - [Blanca?] This means I have train for a Century Ride. It means I have to improve my pace to keep up with the faster MBBCers, or at least Blanca. It means I have to regain my alcohol tolerance, if I want to make the last two miles. It means I'll have to do some strength training. It means I'll have to slim down a little more. It is starting to look like it means I'll be hot! It means I have to drive to Wichita Falls. That's the hardest part. I've never liked 287.

2. Fresh Air - I want to get back in the woods, back on the mountains, back in the water. I want to take my family camping, hiking, fishing and climbing. Anyone have a big tent I can borrow? Hopefully the bike training will make my hiking easier.

3. Music - I'd like to play, write, perform, record, help record [Glenn!], even Deejay. Did I mention write? I don't even want to get paid. [Telling the truth is not one of this year's resolutions.]

4. Give More - Giving more in 2008 helped with my positivity. My Wife is very giving and caring, so giving more should be easy. We increased our monthly contribution to St. Jude's. We helped with a couple fund raisers. [Do bike rallies count? They are always for charities.] The hard part here is having something to give. I used to say that you can't give what you don't have, but I know longer believe that is true. Darren has proved this for a couple years. He's gathered literally tons of food to help feed local hungry folks. My wife I did try to organize a Trike-a-Thon for next year. We did not get the help we expected from the day care, so we'll have to formulate a Plan B. I will need to make gradual changes to increase my means to give. That means I'll need extra sources of income and time, which both mean I'll need to do something about my current place of employment. I love the consistency here though. Less time commuting and working for Da Man, will not only allow more time for giving, it will also give me more time for Training, fresh air and music.

5. Fifth Resolution - I only have 4 resolutions, but I feel strongly that 5 would be a complete list. Thus, my fifth New Year's Resolution will be to determine a Fifth New Year's Resolution. This one seems very forgettable, possibly the most forgettable resolution in the history of Resolutions. I'll have to try really hard to remember it. It is unfortunate that I completely ignored 1989's New Year's Resolution #5, which was to remember each and every resolution from then on. Ironically, I can not remember 1989's Resolutions 1 through 4 or 1992's Resolution number 3. It is possible there was not Resolution number 3 in 1992. It's possible there was no 1992. I made no resolutions in 1989, 1997, 1999 through 2002. At least none that I remember. This could also be the most important Resolution of 2009. Otherwise, I would not have saved it for last. I'm going to count on each and every one of you to hold me accountable for this one.

In conclusion, it is January 7, and I haven't posted my first annual New Year's Revolution post yet. I stop now. I post now.

I Couldn't Agree With Me More!

Here is another "expert" echoing my sermons from two years ago..

If any McBama supporters think either McCain or Obama will be more or less of a catalyst than the other, or than Clinton/Bush...

I assure you the Awakening will be quite Rude.

Wall Street's 'Disaster Capitalism for Dummies': 14 reasons Main Street loses big while Wall Street sabotages democracy

Thoughts II: Nothing Or NothingAde

I'm trying to remember my cures for blog block. I know where they are. I can go look them up and remind myself, but that would be the easy way out.

Not knowing what to write about is the perfect opportunity to write about not having anything to write about.

That, dear readers, is taking lemons and making lemonade. Or in this case, taking nothing and making nothingade.

Nothingade. Now there is an idea. I'm going to produce a new drink called nothingade. Let's call it NothingAde. See what I did? I capitalized the A to make it creative. Marketing campaigns love creativity, especially when it really has no substance. "NothingAde. Nothing is what you need, and it's full of Nothing."

I am definitely on the right track.

NothingAde will contain no artificial sweeteners or flavors. It's full of none of those things. It will contain no artificial colors. It will have even less of that. NothingAde will be all natural.

The difficult part of the marketing campaign will be convincing consumers that they need nothing. Let's face it, we all know we need something. If you don't believe me, watch TV. I found out just last night that I need pills to correct my ED and help me sleep. After I've slept though THAT, I'll need something in the morning to lower my blood pressure, blood sugar and cholesterol. After breakfast, I'll need pills to raise my mood because I'm worried that all these meds are slowly turning me into a junkie....a very poor, vegetable-like junkie. And let's not forget we need electrolytes.

How dry I am.

It doesn't stop there. There are breaks in between all the advertisements for the stuff I didn't know I needed during which I can watch programs that consist almost entirely of....you guessed it: Nothing.

So how do I convince the product-buying consumers that what they really need is nothing? Could I get some very pretty people wearing nothing and saying nothing and comment on how sexy they look? I could do the same thing, except use monkeys. Not just any monkeys. Sexy monkeys.

Let's take a few days to ponder this while I compose a post about sexy monkeys.

Thoughts

The best thing about thoughts is that they vanish quickly. One second you have them. The next instant, they are gone.
For example, I had a thought that prompted me to open my word processor and begin typing. Now that said word processor is open and typing is under way, the aforementioned thought is no more. How is it that a thought so recent could disappear completely?

Sometimes you can trace you train of thoughts to a forgotten thought. If you can recall the last event before slipping into deep thought, you can work from the thought it triggered through the line of reasoning that lead you into this void.

This would be no issue if I could just let it go, but I'm just not that way. I find myself determined to recover the forgotten thought. I go searching frantically, tossing behind me the cushions of my mind, only to find loose change and corn nuts.

Have you ever tried any of the flavored corn nuts? There is ranch, picante and others. I think it is more marketing. "Hey, here is a new corn nut flavor. I'll by twelve bags to see how they taste!" Half-way through bag number four, I'm longing for regular old corn nuts.

We had to get an extra soda fountain at work. There were just too many flavors and flavor variations of soda that were previously unrepresented in our break rooms. If I want to kill several minutes, I go get a soda. It takes me 15 minutes to decide which soda I want, which turns out to be a completely successful waste of time. I return to my desk with my soda, take a few sips, and recall that I really don't like soda all that much. If something is going to be that harsh on my mouth, throat and stomach--the mixture of artificial sweetener with carbonation is like a hooker in church-- it better have alcohol in it.

When I was a kid, a hooker went to our church. I thought we were pretty lucky. Not every church has it's own woman-at-the-well, and we didn't even have a well! IF we did have a well, that would have been great! A religious hooker and very cold water. Now that's a good service.

Ahhh, that reminds me of why I started this post in the first place.

I had this thought that I lost and just can't recall what it was.