Thursday, October 05, 2006

Bumper Sticker of the Week

"I never thought I'd miss Nixon."

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Cool Night

I played bass and sang in a band called Marzee back in 87 and 88. It is—I should say was--pronounced Mar Zay, rhymes with "Bar Jay." Coincidence? I know it is a terrible name. What could I do? I was the new guy in the band, and I didn’t have cool French girlfriend with a cool, exotic name.

I was a really big fan of a Dallas band called Nu Coup. One night Marzee played at the Prophet bar in Deep Ellum. Really, we only played there one night. While we were setting up, the bass player for Nu Coup walked in the club. It was kinda scary and really cool playing a gig with one of my rock ‘n roll bass influences watching.


I got to do that again Thursday night and Saturday night. Thursday at the Lakewood Bar & Grill, Saturday at Ridglea Theater, the great Colin Boyd was in attendance.

It was a little nervous Wednesday and Thursday. That’s a lot for me, since I’m really never nervous about much of anything. Saturday was just fun. Jay and I really appreciated him coming way to Fort Worth…and for bringing such a pretty lady!

Now go out and be real good, Mildred!

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Life keeps moving on, so maybe we should too.

Troubles with the Ex mount. I should have spent more time chronicling the shenanigans of my wife’s ex-husband over the past couple years. It would be far too overwhelming to tell the whole tale now. So I’ll start with what it going on now. I’ll attempt to start at the beginning and work my way to the present while noting current stunts. We’ll see how much of the events time will allow me to recount to you.

I don’t want legal trouble, so I’ll leave out names. If you know me, then you know who I am talking about. I’ll remain on the safe side and use nicknames. I’ll refer to my wife’s ex husband as Slug. I apologize for the insult to slugs all over the world.

I’ll refer to Slug’s wife as Boar. I was going to call her Sloth. That sounds like a perfectly ugly creature. However, I Googled “sloth,” and they are nowhere near disgusting enough to describe this…I’ll be nice and call her a woman. Boar is just a better name for her. However, I do offer my most sincere apologies for this insult to boars all over the world. If anyone can come up with more fitting nicknames, let me know!

My blog will take a different turn for a while. I would much prefer the light-hearted fun, but as Charlie Robison said, “These are desperate times.”

For one, I feel people should know about what it is like for us to have to deal with Slug and Boar. I’m not looking for sympathy. I hope that writing about it will help me look on the brighter side of this situation. I hope that it will help me vent the anger I have towards them in a healthy way. Perhaps someone will let me know if I am in the wrong. That would be helpful. I hope that someone will have some helpful advice.

Secondly, I believe that Slug and Boar pose more than a negligible amount of danger to my family. I’ll get to that in later posts. Suffice to say for now that the two of them are just not right in my opinion. In my opinion, the two of them have severe mental problems. In my opinion, these mental problems make Slug and Boar a danger to themselves and a danger to my family and me.

I would like to point out that, aside from this being written from one person’s perspective, the posts regarding Slug and Boar will contain NO fiction. I will merely state the facts as they happened or as they happen.

I don’t know of many ways out of this situation. One hope we have is that Slug and Boar will just decide to leave the country. That is basically sitting around hoping they hate Texas enough to just leave. I’m not much for sittin’.

The other option is for us to move. My wife and I have talked about this. We talk about it more and more now. I’ve started looking into places to move. Of course, we can’t go to the obvious places, because we will not want to be found for at least several years. My wife has moved from country to country a few times. She doesn’t really want to do it, but at least she’s done it. I haven’t moved out of the Dallas/Ft. Worth area since I was in second grade, so I’m no so much for moving off to some new land. I do love the mountains, and I do love the beach, and there are lots of those in this world.


I want to leave my feelings out of this for the most part and stick to the facts. However, I’m a very proud man, a very proud Texan, and I’ll not have someone harassing my family or me. We just can’t handle things the way we used to here, so there’s not much to do but either put up with it or get away from it.

Monday, April 03, 2006

The Higher the Truth

The wise realize that only after we have learned that we don't learn enough, can we begin to learn what learning learns us.

The higher truth is that we appear wiser when we answer all questions with "you should search for your truth within yourself."

Then you say, "Now go in peace."

Now, go in peace...

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Total Eclipse of the Sun

I just read on MSN that sometime today a Total Eclipse of the sun is going to strike Mildred.

Are you prepared for this invasion? I had hoped for more time to stockpile bottled water and build my immune system. If I had know it were striking so soon, I would have got an Eclipse shot.

From what I understand, this particular Total Eclipse of the sun is not only extremely powerful, but it has an unending source of energy. Yes. It is completely Solar Powered. This is far worse than I ever feared.

Have you seen ads for “Basis Instinct 2?” Sharon Stone looks REALLY good!

The Eclipse has already blinded hundreds of children in Accra, Ghana, extending from Brazil to Mongolia. Might this destroy my favorite chicken?

Truly, on this day, the sky has fallen, and his name is Total Eclipse of the Sun.

What kind of name is “the Sun” anyways?

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Can of Pickled Space-Time

What if you could stroll into your local grocery store and buy yourself a can of pickled space-time? What would you do with it? If you could pickle space-time, would you put it in a can? And if you could can space-time, would you want it pickled?

About now, some of you are saying, “what on Mildred is Shayne talking about?” Well, I might ask you the same question. I know that those in the know…short pause…know exactly what I’m writing about.

I just wish I knew what I am talking about. That’s the big problem with writing…and with knowing. The two seldom meet.

So today, I will begin to try something new with my blog. Instead of writing nonsense posts with no point, I will start writing pointless posts that make no sense. That just sounds better, doesn’t it? I agree too. Thank you for agreeing with me.

I’m sure you’ll agree that agreeing with me is very important to our agreement.

So from this day forward, go out to your local grocery store or deli, walk up to the man at the counter and say, “One can of pickled Space-Time…to GO!”


If that won’t do it, then nothing will.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Let’s call Earth Mildred

I’ve got an idea, my fellow Mildredians. It’s only about eleven months old.

Let’s call Earth “Mildred!”

I know what you’re saying. “What are you saying? Call Earth Mildred?”

To that I say, “Yes,” I am saying, “That is what I am saying.”

Look at all the planets out there in our solar system alone that have really cool names, like Mars and Uranus. Who is Earth? We can’t call Mildred “Earth,” because Mildred is the Earth. Calling the Earth “Earth” would be like calling me “Human.” (Or would it?) It’s really quite silly when you think about it.

Earth.


You’ve GOT to be kidding me.

Did anyone think this through when they voted on planet names?

Just think how fun it would be jetting around the galaxy letting everyone know you’re from Mildred! I wrote this short play to show you how things might go.

You: Hello, alien creature!

Alien: You ain’t from ‘round here, are ya..

You: No! I am not, alien creature!

Alien: You’re an Earth human, ain’t ya?

You: Why, No! I’m Mildredian! I’m from Mildred! We call Earth Mildred now!

Alien: Whut?

You: We call Earth Mildred. See? Watch! Mildred! Miiiiildreeed! I…AM…from Mildred! Did you see?

Alien: Can I kill ya now?

That’s just the beginning. I know it sounds crazy now, but just try it for a couple months. If someone says something that doesn’t make sense, just say, “What on Mildred are you talking about?” If it’s really hot, say “This must be the hottest town on Mildred.” Got a nice ring to it, doesn’t it! You could say things like, “Careful with those bombs, George. You’ll blow up Mildred.” This is the funniest day on Mildred!!

Join me, fellow Mildredians!!


Coming soon: “What the heck kind of name is ‘The Sun?’”

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy

Pimpin’ ain’t easy, and neither is writing. I mean, just when I think I’m in, they pull me back out. I’m not sure how many of you have to work for a living. I do, and I don’t like it. It keeps me away from the things that I love…things like music, blogging, and nothing.

I’m not sure why I called this post “Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy.” That’s not even the song that is out now. Wasn’t it a phrase used by some wrestler or something? I may be an idiot.

I don’t know for sure, but I do no this for sure: That’s all I’ve got.

That, and I’m back for real good.

I really, really mean it this time.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Really, really back for good this time

I know. I know. Last time I said I was back, and I haven't been back since. Isn't back relative? Isn't back in the eye of the beholder? I might ask you the same question.

From this point forward, you can excpect a fully functional, consistently updated blog from me. If I don't deliver this time, then I'm almost certain I will next time.

I'm going to get right back into the swing of things. I'm going to work on more Princess stories. I don't really want to. I didn't think they were really going anywhere. I'd prefer to just let sleeping dogs lie....no pun intended...but Princess won't let me.

Speaking of....I've gotta go feed the dog...

before the dog feeds me...





help me.