Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Thoughts II: Nothing Or NothingAde

I'm trying to remember my cures for blog block. I know where they are. I can go look them up and remind myself, but that would be the easy way out.

Not knowing what to write about is the perfect opportunity to write about not having anything to write about.

That, dear readers, is taking lemons and making lemonade. Or in this case, taking nothing and making nothingade.

Nothingade. Now there is an idea. I'm going to produce a new drink called nothingade. Let's call it NothingAde. See what I did? I capitalized the A to make it creative. Marketing campaigns love creativity, especially when it really has no substance. "NothingAde. Nothing is what you need, and it's full of Nothing."

I am definitely on the right track.

NothingAde will contain no artificial sweeteners or flavors. It's full of none of those things. It will contain no artificial colors. It will have even less of that. NothingAde will be all natural.

The difficult part of the marketing campaign will be convincing consumers that they need nothing. Let's face it, we all know we need something. If you don't believe me, watch TV. I found out just last night that I need pills to correct my ED and help me sleep. After I've slept though THAT, I'll need something in the morning to lower my blood pressure, blood sugar and cholesterol. After breakfast, I'll need pills to raise my mood because I'm worried that all these meds are slowly turning me into a junkie....a very poor, vegetable-like junkie. And let's not forget we need electrolytes.

How dry I am.

It doesn't stop there. There are breaks in between all the advertisements for the stuff I didn't know I needed during which I can watch programs that consist almost entirely of....you guessed it: Nothing.

So how do I convince the product-buying consumers that what they really need is nothing? Could I get some very pretty people wearing nothing and saying nothing and comment on how sexy they look? I could do the same thing, except use monkeys. Not just any monkeys. Sexy monkeys.

Let's take a few days to ponder this while I compose a post about sexy monkeys.