An Apology

Not THE Apology. What do I look like? Socrates? First, I’d like to apologize for stealing Jay’s apology shtick. I’d also like to apologize that Jay ever used the apology shtick. It is stupid. It is so stupid that I will probably never use or steal it from Jay, or anyone else, again.

However, an apology is in order. On Tuesday’s post, I sorta built up that Wednesday’s post would be good. I believe I said—and I quote, “...mañana I’m thinking of being awake. If so, tomorrow’s post should be one the of the best, if not the best post, that I post all day!!” But don’t quote me on that, since I preserved the typo.

Even though I was possibly, what some might call awake, Wednesday’s post was a bit weak. I saw that bumper sticker and the chick on the phone Tuesday, and I says to myself, I says, “Say, Pete, (I forgot I was talking to myself) here’s a great opportunity for a give-up post.” Then I did it. The great American give-up post of 2005.

So I apologize for the Wednesday’s weak post. I apologize for stealing Jay’s shtick. I apologize for being sick yesterday and not providing you with your daily wisdom. I apologize for this over-apologetic post.

Until tomorrow… Or the next day….or the next. Maybe never. But sometime next week.

Save a Song Write a Bumper Sticker, Part II

Yesterday, I saw bumper sticker that we’ve all seen. “Hang Up and Drive.” That phrase isn’t particularly funny or profound. It isn’t even slightly thought provoking, and I’ve never seen anyone heed its advice.

A few things fascinate me about bumper stickers. The most fascinating thing is that people put them on their cars. I especially love the cars with 10 or so stickers plastered all over informing me know that Joe Crook is the only intelligent voter choice. Well, with a source like that….why, how could it be wrong?

Bumper stickers also tend to prove stereotypes. I know stereotypes are not a popular thing to notice, but let’s face the truth here. If there were not truth to stereotypes, then there would be no stereotypes (let’s save THAT for another day).

So, when I see a “Guns Save Lives, Maybe Yours” bumper sticker, I have got to see the redneck driving. (Sorry, Steve) When I see a “My child is an honor student at…” nobody is really interested in that.

But, blah, blah, blah and stuff. The reason this “Hang Up and Drive” bumper sticker was great is that I looked over at as I passed by the car; I look over to see the chick yakking on her cell phone.

I've been fighting a headache all day

I guess I haven't really been fighting it so much as just wishing it would go away. Sometimes wishing is like fighting. Maybe not. But if it were, then I might be getting somewhere. Either that or I'd be wishing the hell out of someone. Maybe that's just wishful thinking. Or thinkful wishing. Either. You pick. Don't pick!

Speaking of getting somewhere, is it time to go yet? Today has gone by pretty fast for such a quiet day, but not fast enough.

Speaking of fast enough…I got nothing for fast enough.

I tried spaghetti, Dr. Pepper, Caramello, a bite of Snickers and typing. None of those things helped my head. I’m not sure how much it has to do with not wanting to be at work, but that’s my bet. I can’t even think of anything interesting for my blog. Can you imagine how I must feel? Me neither.

Either way, I would suggest that you, dear reader of “I’ve Come to Save the World from Me,” ignore today’s entry. Look back over the previous days’ entries. The gay one was good. The questions one was good too. This one just stinks like high Hell all the way to Mexico on a Friday night.

OH, great. As if the headache wasn’t enough, now I have to pee. What’s that about? Anywho, mañana I’m thinking of being awake. If so, tomorrow’s post should be one the of the best, if not the best post, that I post all day!!

Why is everyone afraid of turning gay?

Why are Repu--I mean some people so scared about gay marriages? Are they afraid that all the gays marrying will make non-gays gay? Do they have some secret “thoughts” they don’t want us to know about and would feel more comfortable suppressing?

I don’t get it. I’m straight. I’ve never even thought of being gay. Much. I am certain that, no matter how many people in the world get gay married, it will never make me turn gay. No gay marriage on this planet (that I’m not invited to and have to go buy a stupid gift for) will ever have any effect on me. Unless, for some odd reason, I decide to temporarily not mind my own freaking business.

How can anyone—I repeat ANY one or any ONE—displaying love and compassion instead of hatred and violence have a bad effect on anything outside the minds of those who fear what they don’t understand or condone? And I’ll not get into the Big Money running Big Business on Big Debt, trashing out environment, screwing employees, and making Americans and illegal aliens real fat and diabetic on high fructose corn syrup all the time. I won't even touch on that.

I’ll just say this. Don’t be afraid of gay. Gay is just gay. That’s all. You may not like gay, and it may not like you, but that doesn’t mean you can just make it go away. If that were the case, I would have personally ended the existence of mayonnaise and Top 40 crossover country music years before Kenny Chesney (since we’re on the subject of gay) had a chance.

Just let gay be gay, and you be you. Unless you’re gay, then gay you can be gay you. Otherwise, don’t worry about it so much.

Don’t you want your kids to go to college or avoid drugs or something? OH! Hey! Good point, Shayne! Perhaps there are bigger problems than gay. Hmmm…

I've come to save the world from me.

Official press release.

I would like to announce right here, today, and now right here that I have officially changed the name of "Shayne's World Great Amazing Blog" to "I've Come To Save The World From Me."

I did it because I really want to, and I like it.

To hear the official theme song, click here with your mouse pointie thing.
http://www.shayneseymour.com/audio/saveworld.mp3

I will now accept questions a few from the press...

An Irish Limerick by Joe Stockton

I once knew man from Kass.
He had gargantuan balls made of brass.
He would clang them together
and play "Stormy Weather"
while lightning shot out of his ass.

The Great Debate

Here in the age of morning after pills, Iraqi freedom and ‘roided up prima-donnas (ster-, not hemmor-), there arises another important debate: Collars up or down?

I feel it my civil duty to offer a few thoughts on the debate, so I’ll start right in with the collar up crowd.

You look like a doofus. You are obviously TRYING to be cool. Cool is a rather simple concept that has been made difficult. I will explain. You either are, or you are not. If you have to put forth effort towards being cool, then it more than likely isn't working.

Keep trying though! Good luck. Idiot.

For the collar down crowd. Why are you wearing a polo shirt? They are not cool. They are preppy. They are rich, dumb-ass frat boy. Stop trying to be cool. It isn’t working. In case you have forgotten, read above.

For those who are all bound up about the whole thing. Who cares? Fashion should be left to women. Any guy who is concerned with fashion was robbed in life. He should have been born a woman, and now he lives a life of gender confusion. It makes me sad. Not really.

Did I mention who cares?

Life’s big, little questions all the time…

A friend of mine asked me a very interesting question this morning:

“What have I forgotten that I don't remember I knew?”

It really made me think again. What has each of us forgotten that we don’t remember we knew? Ya know? I would say quite a bit. In fact, I’ve already forgotten what I am writing about. That assumes that I knew what I am writing about. Forgetting what I am writing about has made question lately if I ever knew what I am writing about. I look back on the last few moments of my life, moments through which I have lived in the past and now, and I ask myself, “Did I really forget?” Did I ever really remember in the first place? Have I ever remembered, or have I forgotten and re-remembered several times over.

I was once told that I know more about forgetting than I’d ever know. I still don’t know what that means. Or maybe I knew what it meant, but I have forgotten and don’t remember that I once knew. Do you see where this is headed? I hope so, and I hope it helps you too.

I’d like to especially thank you thanks make to Heather for posing such a think-maker question!

Crazy, Mixed Up, Crazy Mix-Up

Today is one of those days that feels like nothing I’ve already done today. It all started this morning. In many ways, today was just like yesterday, except that yesterday started yesterday morning. It has pretty much all lead up to now…more so for me than for you.

You may be asking yourself, “What the hell is he talking about?” Well, I could ask you the same question. I can basically sum it up with the simple fact that if you know what I’m talking about, then you know what I’m talking about. If you don’t know, then you don’t. I, like you, don’t. Don’t I, like you? I’m not sure. Why not just ask me?

I digress. Let’s get to the mix-up. The crazy, mixed up, crazy mix-up that befalls me. The crazy, mixed up, crazy mix-up that befalls me and everyone I know.

If you’ve ever been involved in anything, you’ll understand that it requires some degree of participation. You have to be associated with that with which you are involved to some degree. You have to spend some time with it and notice it. It has to be something that in one way or another takes up some of your time and/or energy. That’s just how it is.

Hence, my dilemma. Ergo, my quandary. There you have it. You may experience a similar mix-up in your human time. Perhaps even in your non-human time or your human non-time. I hope you know what I’m talking about, because if you don’t, then who does? Carneys? Pigeons? Bicycles?

Try asking yourself sometime.

Jay's Meaningful And Sometimes Thoughtless Thoughts

Jay's Meaningful And Sometimes Thoughtless Thoughts

The Post I Refuse to Post

I refuse to post a post about a post that I refuse to ever post, i.e., this. First off, it is ridiculous for anyone, particularly me, to even let the thoughts of such things pass through his or her mind. In my case, his, or hers if I’m talking of someone who is a female. So, I am taking a stand right here, today and right here. Today.

Secondly, I have reasons to not post a post about a post I refuse to post. I’m a pretty reasonable person when I’m not angry, confused, drunk, playing guitar, typing on keyboards, wearing clothes or blinking. Sometimes I even sleep. I mean, can you imagine? Be that as it may, I’m certain that in due time, all things will, and quite possibly.

Yesterday, we drove around and went there towards west Texas. Do you like my arm? Now just think about that for a minute. Here I am, out there, day before yesterday, with no one around, but a bunch of people I am related too. How could you?

With this in mind, I offer up to you. Remember, that regardless of what anyone says; regardless of what you may have read; in spite of whatever you wear tomorrow; whether it is weather or outside, I refuse to post this.

If you don't believe me, ask the lady bug..

I was reminded of something today. Something that I didn't think I would be reminded of for a few days, but it happened today. I learned something else today, but I refuse to post that. In fact, I refuse to post anything. Which brings me to the point of today's post.

First, I'm going break our focus and stray away from today's point. I'd like to let everyone know that I have a few gmail invites. If you'd like gmail, then e-mail me right up.

Also, we should each do our part every day to make the world a better place. If you don't know what you can do, e-mail me for suggestions.

Today, visit the Durango Brothers web site and make the world a better place.

Blog is the Greatest thing ever for World!

Jay finally blogged in his post today. I'd like to continue his "History of the Word" by drinking a new soda water.

fear the prawn. fear the prawn.

Learning to fly..

This morning I remembered something very important, but I’ve since forgotten what it was. It must mean that my memory is improving slightly, but not enough for any noticeable results.

That’s the thing about memory. In order to track improvement—or regression—you must learn to forget what you remembered. Likewise, you have to learn to remember what you forgot. I can’t really recall which of those is the more difficult. I’m sure it will come to me.

One of my professors—I can’t remember which one—once told me that the key to success is enjoying what you do. Then he walked away mumbling something about killing someone or something. I never heard from him again. Or was he a she? Either way, I’m sure I had a point when I started. Which brings me, finally, to the point of today’s post.

I managed to post a few updates to the Durango Brothers web site. Don’t ask me how I did it, because it is nobody’s business but mine, and he ain’t talkin’.

Right after that, I spilled chili on my shirt. I wish I had a kangaroo.