Suicidal pigeon

So, I’m driving to work Tuesday morning. I drive to work nearly every Tuesday morning, as well as most other mornings between Monday and Friday, so there wasn’t much interesting about this particular drive. At least not at first.

If you have ever driven (drove? Ask Shayne) in rural areas, and don’t live in rural areas, you know how tense you get when a farm dog starts running along very close to your car and barking at your wheels. I think dogs may hate things that spin. I think that is why they chase their tales. But I digress. You like digress, don’t you? I did it again. You fear the dog is going to get too close, and you’re going to run over it.

After years of dogs running along your car and barking at your tires, you gain comfort in knowing that the dog will probably not stop barking at your wheels for the greener pastures of barking at your radiator.

Squirrels are different though. So are cats. I think cats erroneously expect the whole world to revolve around them. Thus, they think that all oncoming drivers will do their best to avoid cats sashaying across the street. Squirrels are just nuts. (Sorry.)

What about birds? Don’t birds always hop onto the road for a quick bite of over-presumptuous cat or slow squirrel or tumble popcorns? And they always, ALWAYS fly away just before the car gets to them.

Don’t birds do that? ALWAYS! Every bird I’ve ever seen in every road my entire life has taken flight before being hit, usually with seconds to spare.

That’s what I thought too.

Tuesday morning, one pigeon in Texas didn’t fly away in time. I heard the sickening thump on the front of my car. I’m a bird killer. I can’t get than thump out my mind. It just keeps ringing eerily and thumpily over and over and over. Should I say and over one more time? I think I won’t.

And over. I did it anyway! Take that, evil doer!

What was I saying?

Ahhhh yes, I was just about to tell you about this crazy lady at work…